Learning to Swim Where You Dreamed
Walls of ocean blue welcome me
every time I open your bedroom door.
It was the color you chose amongst
all the swatches that slipped through your fingers.
There must have been fifty shades
of sea and sky you pondered before
you found the one that spoke of waves
and splashes of joy.
I roam amongst your things in a dream state
traveling from when you were a little girl
until spring brought flowers in vases
earmarked with condolences.
Broken doesn’t seem to be a bold enough word
to describe how I feel, yet I feel shards of longing
splinter my ribs where my heart lies scarred
by hours of yearning to hold you.
Oh sorrow, you are a conundrum.
It is both tears and joy. I cry from your absence
and sing because of your freedom.
I stumble and I dance getting through what I’ll never get over.
Dear Dawn, my precious daughter, I am trying to be
strong in my weakness, be a light when I’m besieged with gray.
In this room of blue I’ve splattered with growing green plants
I am your mother learning how to swim in the space where you dreamed.
©Susie Clevenger 2024
Oh Susie, bless you! This is so moving, so deeply felt and lived. You are so brave. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem! And the photos of Dawn and the room where she dreamed.
ReplyDeleteSusie, what a powerful poem! I like how you described the room, the blue, and how you wander in the room in a dream state! So true that the word 'broken' sometimes is not enough, after such a profound loss as you have had. The last stanza was a heartbreaker....especially the last line. Hugs to you, Susie. And thanks for sharing your heart!
ReplyDeleteOh dear.. so, so sorry... how brave and heartbreaking is this poem... love and strength to you, Susie. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWith your daughter's sweet smile and your words lingering in my mind, I hardly have to imagine how heavy the sorrow you bear must be. I can only echo that sorrow is "a conundrum" and pray that you will indeed learn "how to swim in the space where [Dawn] dreamed" with all the colors that Dawn has left you in love and in freedom from this world's pain.
ReplyDelete"It is both tears and joy. I cry from your absence
ReplyDeleteand sing because of your freedom." You are speaking my mind Susie. The space is a void yet so full of memories. It's so brave of you to put this heartbreak and tears into precious words. Hugs to you Susie. May you have the strength to bear the unbearable.
Heartbreakingly beautiful poem..Your suffering is palpable, your writing magnificently inspired. Prayers and hugs for you dear Susie.
ReplyDelete